So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
