Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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