They should really pass out barf bags in church
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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