there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
