I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
