I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
