At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
