I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you had me at cake vodka
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
