I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
