and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
