Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
