I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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