wat bout pragnant strippers??
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
