my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
