i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
