yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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