I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
