the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
