my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
