you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
