I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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