Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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