im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
