He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
