after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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