I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
