Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My vagina is officially offended.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
