sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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