I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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