Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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