No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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