so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
