Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
