I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
