i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need to sanitize my soul.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
