worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
