My room smells like vodka and shame
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
