i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
