Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
