if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
