when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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