she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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