Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
