Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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