Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Girls should come with a carfax report
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
