At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
