He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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