i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
