is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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