Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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