WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
