She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
