I'm going to rape someone's good day.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
