and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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