i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
