And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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